I’m a 35-year-old nurse practitioner, and six months ago, my family faced a hard truth—our father was diagnosed with dementia. My brother, 37, works in retail management and had long complained about his job. So we made a plan: he’d move in with Dad and become the primary caregiver, while I’d cover the financial shortfall and medical costs. It was practical, fair, and even Dad agreed when he was lucid. My brother seemed relieved, even grateful. But now, just weeks into the arrangement, he’s trying to back out—and wants me to quit my job instead.
Yesterday, he called and said daughters are “naturally better” at caregiving. He hinted at a possible promotion and claimed I should take over. I reminded him of our agreement, my income, my job security, and how Dad had already adjusted to him. I’ve seen how easily he gets frustrated with Dad’s repetitive questions. This wasn’t a whim—it was a carefully thought-out plan. But logic didn’t matter. He accused me of being selfish and uncaring, throwing emotional guilt my way like daggers.
The manipulation escalated. He’s been texting me nonstop, saying I’m abandoning my responsibilities and that our late mother would be disappointed in me. It’s cruel and unfair. I didn’t force this role on him—he volunteered. He said it gave him purpose. Now that reality has set in, he’s trying to rewrite history. I’m heartbroken, but I won’t sacrifice my career and stability because he’s overwhelmed. I’ve honored my part of the deal. Why is he trying to make me the villain?
I’m not his only child. We both have a duty to care for Dad, but that doesn’t mean I should carry the entire burden. I’ve offered financial support, emotional backup, and a clear plan. If he’s struggling, we can explore hiring help or assisted living. But I won’t quit my job. I won’t be guilted into abandoning everything I’ve built. This isn’t just about caregiving—it’s about integrity, responsibility, and keeping promises. I’m standing my ground, even if it means being misunderstood.
